The 2017 Oscars can be summed up as: “ah, this is going well!”
*3 hours later*
“NO, NO, abort, abort, abort” (I still have not recovered).
So, here’s what you should have been doing (drinking) while watching the 89th Academy awards.
Have a drink when:
Nicole Kidman’s front row seal clapping set up the night perfectly. No one can explain it. No one understands it. What was wrong with her hands and clapping rhythm? Nobody will ever know.
We all love a good awkward play off, but last night there were some damn long speeches that left everyone on the edge of their seat and the conductor itching to wave his baton and get the ball rolling. The fierce and fabulous Viola Davis had her first Oscar win for her supporting role in Fences. Her moving acceptance speech brought the house down.
“You know, there is one place that all the people with the greatest potential are gathered and that’s the graveyard. People ask me all the time — what kind of stories do you want to tell, Viola? And I say exhume those bodies. Exhume those stories — the stories of the people who dreamed big and never saw those dreams to fruition, people who fell in love and lost.”
She continued “I became an artist and thank God I did,” she continued “because we are the only profession that celebrates what it means to live a life.”
Jimmy Kimmel later joked that “Viola Davis just won an Emmy for that speech,”
While Ellen is remembered for her Oscars selfie and ordering pizza for the stars, Jimmy Kimmel had his snacks dropping from the sky in parachutes and hassled Donald Trump via twitter “Hey @realDonaldTrump u up?” and “@realDonaltrump Meryl says hi”- what a hero.
Kimmel not only bombarded his stars with food, but also with unsuspecting fans. One of the standouts of the night was when Kimmel brought in an unknowing tour bus full of tourists expecting to see an Oscar dress exhibition. The fans, were in the least starstruck, shaking hands and taking selfies with the celebs in the front row. I know I was not the only one screaming about how unfair it was that I was not one of them (still devastated).
What. A. Man. Kicking off the night by bringing his mum as his date, Dev Patel essentially is the world’s (my) favourite guy. From when he fixed his co-star Sunny’s tux on the red carpet, to his face when Kimmel re-enacted the Lion King opening, to his new bro-mance with Andrew Garfield to just his face, Dev Patel melted a billion hearts last night.
A tale as old as time is the Damon vs Kimmel feud. Spanning over a decade, Kimmel wasted no time in harassing Matt, joking that “He handed what turned out to be an Oscar-caliber role over to his friend (Casey Affleck) and made a Chinese ponytail movie instead. And that movie, The Great Wall, went on to lose $80 million.”
Matt fought back valiantly attempting to trip Kimmel as he walked through the audience, but it was Kimmel’s night of glory when we hit the “We bought a Zoo” segment. Watching Damon’s performance, he mused “The thing about Matt is that you can see how hard he’s working, it’s so effortful for him”
They announce the wrong Best Picture! To sum up one of the most stressful and uncomfortable 7 minutes of my life and the biggest mistake in Oscar history, presenters Faye Dunaway and Warren Beatty announced La La Land as the winner of Best picture for 2017 only to discover they had read the card wrong.
Watching the footage, everyone knew something was up. Beatty took a few too many glances at the card before handing it over, making everyone a little unsettled. After all the emotional speeches that each producer gave, it came to a devastating end when they learn that Moonlight was the actual winner of Best Picture, and the presenters had been given the wrong card.
Shout-out to the La La Land crew for handling themselves beautifully and special mention to producer Jordan Horowitz for being a champ who cleared up the situation and welcomed Moonlight as the new winner.
(Also, Ryan Gosling wins the Oscar for best reaction)
A night that nearly went off without a hitch was ended perfectly with Jimmy Kimmel’s line “I knew I’d screw up this show up. I really did”
Well 2017 Oscars, you had the biggest shock since finding out Darth Vader was Luke’s father. Way to go.
Until next year.